


Javi's letters.

by 4Mia3



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Death, Heavy Angst, KillYuzu4Gold, Letters, Love, Love letters(?), M/M, Sad, Tears, painful
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 11:51:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18207947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4Mia3/pseuds/4Mia3
Summary: "Grief is the price we pay for love"- Queen Elizabeth IIOrJavi writes letters to Yuzu.





	Javi's letters.

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS SAD!  
> YOU WILL PROBABLY CRY.... I'M SORRY~
> 
> Also, this is rpf, so NONE of this is real.
> 
> And... I'm sorry if it has many errors i left it till last minute and... my beta was asleep lol.

Javier opened his eyes to the darkness around him, it was 2 o'clock in the afternoon yet not a single ray of sunlight was allowed into his room.

The light, the sun, the warmth of the picture perfect day, felt like a mocking to his life, to all he had lost, to the icing cold running through his body.

For a few hours, he had found solace in the darkness, where he could somehow numb himself, let him be swallowed by it, and forget.

He needed to stop thinking.

His cheeks felt tight, tears having dried the skin, his mouth felt sandy and his vocal cords were so used up, the only sound he could emit was a soft groan.

The bed was wet around his head and neck, a cold and constant reminder of the hours and hours the tears had just kept rolling down until finally, after 6 hours straight they stopped.

_Who would have thought one could run out of tears?_

He stayed still, looking up.

His mind was a mess. Memories and thoughts swirling around in a never-ending circle of picture-perfect moments that come back to sting him like angry bees.

_Bees..._ **_He_ ** _had always talked about how cute they were._   

A painful bolt break through his body, shaking him and commanding him to take a sharp breath, and his heart to pound his chest with unforgiven pace.

It hurt.

"Yuzu" he tried to say, but his throat didn't let the name go through, trapping it in a strong knot, almost like it feared to let it go.

Breathing in deeply, he tried calming himself, but the pain kept cruising through his body and he wasn’t strong enough to ignore it.

How could he?

A sob began forming in the depts of his throat and he knew he wouldn’t be able to handle another crying fit, so he closed his eyes again, wishing the fatigue to take him away.

It didn't.

Hours passed, time laughing at him as it stretched and pain throbbed through his body, yet Javier didn't move a single muscle.

Not until he felt a small hot raspy tongue licking his cheek.

_Effie_ , his tired mind informed.

He had neglected her the past few days and somewhere inside himself felt bad about it, but instead of getting up and playing with her, give her a treat or fixing her dinner, he cradled her in his arms, effectively hugging her while he changed his position to a fetal one as he pushed her strongly against his chest.

Effie accepted the rough handling and continued licking his cheeks.

_Does she know?_

Javier's tired eyes valiantly got wet again. And the moment he buried his face on Effie's fur, they released one stinging stream of tears.

They burned his skin but the soft fur seemed to caress the pain away.

He clasped his fists in the soft fur, the comfort having stirred the dark pot that was his feelings.

And when he couldn’t control himself anymore, he released Effie, stood on his shaky unstable legs and walked to his desk. Where he barely managed to sit down without throwing everything to the floor.

It wasn’t fair.

He needed **him** to know, to understand how much he was hurting.

Taking another shallow breath he took a blank page and a pen, and poured his heart into the paper.

**_“Yuzu,”_ ** he wrote as his heart clenched in yet another wave of hard, bitter pain.

**_“_ ** **_Yuzu, how do I make this maddening love for you go away?_ **

**_Yuzu, please, tell me how. I beg of you, take it away. It hurts too much.”_ **

His eyes pooled with tears, but he fought to keep his vision in focus.

**_“Yuzu, you said you would be by my side when I needed you, did you forgot?_**

**_I_ ** **_s it that you don’t know I'm crying right now?_ **

**_Yuzu, where are you?_ **

**_Why aren’t you here?_ **

**_Did you lie to me?”_ **

The tears stained some letters but he kept going.

**_“Without warning our happiness was torn apart and I don't understand why this happened.”_ **

**_“Now this world seems bleak, cold, void.”_ **

**_“This week has been long, so very long, I feel it will never end, but I also fear the end, because, then, a new week will begin, a new week that I will have to spend without you.”_ **

**_“I can't do this”_ **

**_“I want to_** **_wake up of this painful nightmare”_ **

**_“Yuzu”_ **

**_“Come back”_ **

**_“I need you”_ **

Javier let the pen fall out of his grip and hid his face between his hands, shutting his eyes hard enough to see white.

The sobs came to him again and he let them out, freely now, not having any strength left to fight them.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed~  
> Also... this is not over, i didn't have enough time to finish so...  
> This is just the first letter, there will be more, but i will try to do it as quickly as possible because i don't want to make people sad during a big period of time.  
> Thank you to whoever read this, Love you~


End file.
